Quality Time
Dear Readers,
On this blog, Chloe and I have mentioned the five love languages many times. Each time, it was within the context of something else. At some point, we want to talk about each love language individually. Now, I assume you know what I am talking about when I mention the 5 Love Languages.
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Dr. Chapman mentions that each primary language could have a couple of sub-dialects. In every culture, there is a primary accepted language, and then you can break it down into regional dialects. As Americans, you can easily imagine the difference between a Boston accent and a California accent, or even Midwest and Southern. Out of curiosity, which accent could you hear more clearly? Comment below.
Anyway, just like actual language, love languages also have subcategories. I will focus on my primary love language and how my relationships can show me love, and to demonstrate, I will use myself and Liam as examples.
Actually, Liam and I have different love languages, but they complement each other nicely. His is Physical Touch. Thankfully, both he and I were surrounded by friends with the other’s language, so we were pretty well-versed before we met…
Right, sorry, Quality Time and its sub-dialects!
“Quality Time Definition: Time spent giving another person one’s undivided attention to strengthen a relationship, especially regarding working parents and their child or children.”
Quality Activities:
Everyone needs some activity, especially physical activity, and it lends itself to incredible quality time.
Usually, when Liam and I can mutually agree on an activity that engages both of us, I am happy. Liam is a walker, and he particularly likes evening walks. When we were dating, Liam would video chat me on Marco Polo. This was his way of keeping quality time with me and physical exercise for him. Now that we are married, it is a weekly activity. I am not a great walker, but I love that time with Liam. Sometimes, I can convince him to go bowling or mini golfing (I have yet to convince him we need to enjoy karaoke, but I am wearing him down).
What does any of this have to do with quality activities? It is dedicated time he takes out of the stressful day or our crazy work week to spend time together, hopefully doing something we both enjoy.
One time early in Liam and I’s dating relationship, we went mini-golfing… I must preface this: it was VERY early on in our relationship…
I love mini-golfing, but I am not good at it, and if I am perfectly honest, I don’t know how to play properly. He was warned, Chloe and my mother warned him that this may be a weird night. Apparently, I did not disappoint. I started playing normally and was about two over par for the first two holes, and the true Emily came out by the third hole. This man watched me cheat with the most maniacal smile on my face, and play with no rules while making an utter fool of myself and the game.
He told me later that the date was one of his favorites because he couldn’t stop laughing, and it made him see me in a better light because I didn’t hide behind formalities and made it much more fun. But the point was because he took the time to do something with me, he got to know one more side of me.
Quality Conversation:
For those who know me know I love people who can talk. Conversation can range from, “What happened at work today?” to “Do you understand just how disappointing Pokemon Scarlet actually is?” (All conversations that I have had at some point this year.)
My circle of friends are a wealth of knowledge in a hundred different ways. Each of them has their expertise on display at all times. I know things from geology, history, medicine, computer science, art, cooking, video games, and so much more.
Another aspect of quality conversation is just between Liam and myself. These can be so stupid, from laughing about some random meme we saw on Instagram to the discussion about what chores need to be done around the house this week.
Dr. Jordan Peterson has an incredible three-part series on Marriage, and one of the points that he makes very clear is the need for 90 minutes a week a couple needs to meet and talk business, and the rest of the time is spent pursuing each other.
Quality conversation allows for a better-run household and better intimacy. ;).
Togetherness:
I believe there is one more part to my language, but I think Dr. Chapman would strongly disagree with me. I believe that there is an element of proximity for me.
I loved living with Chloe because I knew that she was nearby. I didn’t need her to always be with me, but when we were together, it was dedicated to watching a T.V. show or Hallmark movie, or we would fail miserably at Cuphead or work through every character in Mario Party.… I guess, in a way, this falls under quality activities. But it is not necessarily undivided attention.
Liam and I love to just sit in our mutual office and just work on our separate activities. We usually have some sort of Lo-fi playlist on the Bluetooth speaker. Well, lately, Liam has been really into Bossa Nova. Either way, he is working on some project, and I am usually writing or crafting. We are on opposite sides of the room, but just glad to be near each other. We can usually go on like that for a couple of hours.
For me, having him near me is just as fulfilling as talking for hours or going shopping together. But our go-to move is late-night cuddling while watching a movie. The cuddling is for my physical touch-loving husband, and the movie is for his quality time-loving wife.
I don’t care about what anyone says… we are happy.
I hope this gives you a little bit of insight into any of your loved ones who have Quality Time as their love language.
Until Next Time,
Peace Out Lovers!
