Totally Worth My Love
Self-Love is something that is preached all the time but is rarely practiced. I will admit that I am one that doesn’t really understand what self-love entails. When I was first thinking about this topic I thought of the “Treat-Yo-Self” montage from NBC’s Parks and Recreation.
Honestly, these two are probably the best example of self-love. These two are the most confident characters I have ever seen on screen. Every time Tom watched a business idea go down in flames he would pick himself up and go after another idea. Donna was a secret entrepreneur Queen and only stayed in her position because she enjoyed the chaos. But both of these characters are prime examples of loving themselves and thriving from it.
I was looking at an article in Psychology Today, “8 Powerful Steps to Self-Love” by Dr. Melanie Greenberg. She rephrased “Self-Love” into “Self-Compassion.” This tended to make a little more sense to me. “Self-Love” almost comes off sounding narcissistic, and it is a tough task to ask of a person, especially someone that may be a people pleaser or depressed.
“Self-Compassion” is a better way to title the action. The eight steps that Dr. Greenberg outlines can really be boiled down to three steps:
Admitting and accepting that you are human (and/or have many quirks).
Change your vocabulary from negative to positive affirmations.
Recognize your boundaries.
Before we go any farther with this line of thinking, I feel that I must remind you that I am coming from a Christian perspective, and so a lot of what I am thinking is from the aspect that I KNOW I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There are many examples in the Bible that show that we need to be fully filled, by the Spirit, so that we can pour his love into others. You can not pour water out of an empty glass.
So let’s break this down…
ADMITTING AND ACCEPTING THAT YOU ARE HUMAN—
“...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...”
Thanks to our sinful natures we are bound to make mistakes, but that is why forgiveness is such an important biblical theme. Forgiveness includes more than just God’s forgiveness of us, but our forgiveness of ourselves is also important.
We are not made to be perfect, so why do we expect perfection in the things that we do. Perfection is an impossible achievement. Ask any perfectionists you know, to see if they are ever satisfied?
Understanding that there is a level of imperfection that we all have and must endure in life will at least allow us to breathe a little easier. Once we understand that, we can start believing that we are worth love, especially love from ourselves.
Personally, I think this comes with accepting our quirks. For me, it is a certain level of understanding that I am not for everyone, and I don’t want to be. But I also have recently noticed that I tend to be slightly embarrassed by things that make me happy.
I was approached by my aunt a couple of months ago and she asked me what were 10 things that I liked. Immediately, I thought about the usual answers; God, family, and friends. But she quickly specified that she wanted to know the material things. I had to think about this because I almost didn’t want to admit what I loved. I asked her to explain why she was asking and she answered, “God has put you on my heart to pray for, but I realized that I don’t know as much as I thought I did about you.” After that, I was a little more at ease about sharing. I’ve never really felt ashamed of myself, but at that moment I accepted the quirky things about me.
CHANGE YOUR VOCABULARY FROM NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS—
I am a great offender of this “rule.” Not only would I say things in my head but I would have the guts to write them down and pin them on my corkboard for me to see every day. I finally noticed that the words were not positive, and not true. I finally decided to rewrite them but this time on a list, “Things I need to stop saying to myself.”
I wish I were prettier…
I’m too much to handle…
No one really wants to or cares to hear about that…
These are just a few examples of a long list that I really should burn.
“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul, and health to the bone.”
Most people are taught that if you have nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say it at all. Why doesn’t this apply to ourselves? We tend to be our worst critics, and we almost can’t see past that criticism. There is a certain amount of criticism that is necessary for proper growth, but there is a thin line between criticism and depression.
Use nice words… you owe it to yourself.
RECOGNIZE YOUR BOUNDARIES—
Learning to say “No” is a very important skill. Please remember that you are only one person, you can not do everything.
My father has a lesson that he loves to teach and it is about buckets. I don’t know where he picked it up, but it has stuck with him and in turn with me.
In Bucket #1 is all of the things that you can control. Mainly you and that is it.
In Bucket #2 is all of the things that you can influence. This can be family, friends, and a few others that may enter your sphere.
In Bucket #3 is all of the things that you have no control over whatsoever.
Most people spend their lives fretting about the things they cannot control. So narrow your focus and think about the things that you can control, and work on those instead. I bet you won’t feel as hopeless.
I am not expecting this to be easy for anyone, but I do hope it at least helped someone else find a little bit of love for who they really are.
Until Next Time,
Peace Out Lovers!
