Love vs. Fear
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Hello Dear Readers!
Happy New Year!
Emily and I are working on our New Year’s resolution, and we have decided that each of us will post every other week. I am sorry to say that I am already lagging, but I have had this topic swimming around in my head for a while and I am ready to share it with you.
I have been giving this topic a lot of thought and I have been able to reach out to certain people in my life and ask them, “What is the opposite of love?”
Many tend to say anger is the opposite of love, but after a deep conversation with a friend/mentor of mine she has made me realize that fear is the opposite of love. Now many of you may not be surprised, but in all honesty, she made some good points and I have started to see movie relationships in a whole new light.
Master Yoda once said to Anakin Skywalker,
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
According to Master Yoda, anger has no drive unless provoked by fear. There are many ways that fear can get a grip on a situation and drive it to anger and madness.
One of them is fear of losing someone we love. When a couple is first in love, they have the confidence to feel attached to the other person and they feel good when they are around that person. They tend to like the person they strive to be when they are close to their significant other (SO). As the joy increases so does the attachment, and for some people that attachment can create an emotional fear and insecurity of losing that loved one. In this situation love can give rise to fear because rather than allowing the power of your love to foster the connection we invoke a conscious thought process of desire or ownership to make sure you keep that joyous feeling.
The best example for this is Anakin Skywalker. In Attack of the Clones we begin to see the struggle of Anakin’s fear as he has nightmares about his mother and begins to fear she is in danger. That fear drives him to kill the whole village of Tusken Raiders, even the women and children. All because they tortured and killed his mother. Anakin let the anger and fear of losing a loved one get the better of him and he started falling down the slippery path towards the dark side. Eventually, in Revenge of the Sith, Anakin has nightmares that Padme, his wife, will die as well. Although his dreams never show how she will die all he sees is her in pain and crying in agony. No matter how much Padme tried to console him, Anakin made a deal with Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious) that if he followed the dark side Padme would be safe.
SPOILER ALERT!!
Padme confronted Anakin about his behavior and the path he was on. She told him that he was breaking her heart and that she could not follow him down this path. Anakin tried to explain that it was to protect her and ended up getting angry and started to choke her out. She did not die right away but he did injure her. The betrayal of Anakin broke Padme’s heart and she died because she just had no will to live without the love of her life. So in a way Anakin was right, Padme did die full of pain and agony, but what he did not foresee is that he caused her death because he was too consumed with fear.
Another way that fear gets in the way of love is when we let fear replace our dreams. When we love each other there is a sort of flow that connects us to each other and helps us support one another. Support is a key ingredient to a good relationship especially when it comes to following your dreams. SOs are supposed to help you achieve the goals you have set for yourself or help alter dreams that may be a little farfetched or impossible. Without the love and support of your SO you begin to feel fear when thinking about losing or giving up your dream.
Giving up your dream because you fear your partner leaving is not a way to a healthy and happy relationship. In fact, it hinders growth in the relationship because one will always be bitter towards the other. In the movie La La Land Sebastian wants to be a jazz musician and play amazing music on his piano, and Mia his girlfriend wants to be an actress. They both live in LA where dreams are supposed to come true, but their dreams just take a little harder work then they thought. Throughout the movie you see how Mia and Sebastian meet and how different they are, but there is something special that connects them (makes you believe that they were meant to be).
As Sebastian is about to obtain a breakthrough in his career, Mia is there to support him but also wants to keep perusing her dream. Mia writes her own one-woman show and wants Sebastian to be there to support her, but Sebastian has a gig and will be out of town. Things get heated and Mia tells Sebastian that he isn’t even playing the music he wants to play because he is too scared to say no to his friend and go off on his own. Sebastian bashes Mia because she wants to be a big-time actress but is doing small-time theater.
They end up breaking up in the end because they feel like neither of them are supportive enough and their fear of losing their dreams gripped tighter than their love for each other. They separated in good spirits wishing each other luck in the future, and in the end, they run into each other and they get to see how successful they are, but will they always regret running away from the love they once had?
The final example of fear is the fear of harming a loved one. This one is often shown by characters who have super powers and are afraid they will get their family in danger or even hurt them with their own power. The fact is a lot of us can be fearful of letting our family down even with trivial things in our lives. We may be afraid of disappointing parents, afraid of making people angry and aggressive, or even physically hurting loved ones with our own anger issues. No matter what example you choose the fear can easily attach and hold tight and whisper in your ear, “You are not worthy of love. Look at you. You make everyone sad or angry and you are too weak to overcome fear.” Fear is a liar and if you listen to it you will be isolated and will end up hurting yourself.
The example that popped into my head was Elsa from frozen. When she was younger she had fun using her powers with her sister and playing fun snow games with her. But it all changed when she hurt Anna and almost killed her. The elder troll told her that her powers are beautiful but when controlled by fear they can be deadly and she must learn to control them. Well this did not go as well as anyone planned. Instead of learning to use them properly she tried to hide it in hopes that it would go away, but that gave the fear more room to grow and start to take over Elsa’s thoughts. She was isolated for years and it wasn’t until she fled into a secluded area that she felt free to be herself and use her powers for good.
Many of you know the story so I will not go into too much detail, but long story short Anna’s love for her sister and her kingdom lead her to follow Elsa and be supportive. Elsa decided to push Anna away and struck her in the heart. Even though Elsa hurt Anna, Anna never gave up on her sister and she sacrificed herself to save her sister. The sacrificial love of a sister was all that was needed to thaw a frozen heart. That’s when Elsa knew what to do with her powers, and she took that love and was able to melt all the ice and restore peace.
Notice that LOVE melts FEAR! Love is the most powerful emotion, but when we let fear creep in it tells us that we are not trusting that love is strong enough to overpower it. STOP believing the lies that the devil is whispering to you, but instead break that chain that binds you and show the immense power of love that God gave you.
There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called “The Break Up Song” it is about her breaking up with the fear that is trying to rule over her but instead she is telling it to go away because she has no time for it. THAT is so powerful and think about if everyone did that then there wouldn’t be as many petty arguments and we will be free to be ourselves.
A little secret between you and me, I am always scared to post my writing for you guys because I am scared to share my feelings or I am scared that you think my writing is bad. Fear grips me but I won’t let it win this time! If you don’t want to read our blog or you don’t agree with what Emily and I have to say that is ok, in fact we want you to tell us so we can listen to what you have to say and so we can better know our audience. Practice speaking up and speaking out with us so you have the confidence to do it in your lives.
Just remember Dear Readers, God made us special and he loves us very much! Don’t let fear grip your heart, and be sure to reach out if you are ever feeling overwhelmed because prayer and support will help you win the battle.
Until then,
Peace out Lovers!
