I Don’t Want To Go

Based loosely on the song “Dark Red” By Steve Lacey

This is another Song to Story Challenge. I hope you like it.

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            Joshua Wilson knew that something wasn’t right with his world. He could remember a time when his beautiful bride would reach for his hand just so she knew he was there. A time when he could hear her soft melodic voice ring through the kitchen as she danced around the stove to whatever song was on repeat in her head. He would lean in as they watched movies so that he could catch a whiff of her peppermint shampoo. But lately, every detail that seemed so vivid before had been dulling, and memories, that were clear a week ago, began to fade. Even her sharp green eyes felt foreign and her smile seemed forced and unfamiliar. Something was wrong…

            He came home today, and instead of the smell of something baked in the oven or the squeals of joy to have him home, she had a sad look in her mossy eyes. Her hair was braided into a crown around her head, one of several ways she did it when she had been working on something. There were no signs of a project, but she sat on the stairs of the entryway staring at him with an emotion he couldn’t decipher.

            “Darling, are you okay?”

            Her silence was telling, but she shook her head to confirm. He reached for her and she felt death cold.

            “What is going on?”

            She opened her mouth twice before the burning tears began to streak down her cheek.

            “Please tell me what is going on?” Frantically, he began to look around for clues to help coax the information out of her. During his search, he noticed there was an empty space among the photos that usually hung in the hall.

            “Where is our wedding photo,” he asked.

            Her fingers found him and held them tightly as she whispered, “I can’t do it anymore.”

            “What can’t you do? Where is our wedding picture?”

            “I have prayed for you to come to me, but the harder I pray the further for me you become,” she began to cry.

            “Darling, I am right here, what are you talking about?” He began to panic, “I am sorry I was late today, I just had to finish up with a patient and then I booked it home. I should have called, I am sorry.”

            She tried to compose her crying but it proved futile. “I was warned not to fall in love with you, but I couldn’t help it.

            “Of course you couldn’t I am a lovable guy. But I don’t understand—“ 

            “You are handsome, and silent,” She giggled. “To be honest I was in love with you long before this happened.”

            “What happened?”

            “You walked into our hospital with a dashing smile and a determined spirit and I knew that my patients were going to be safe with you.” She explained.

            “Darling, I remember, I was there.” He tried to interrupt again but she didn’t notice. Her hand dropped his as she wiped her tears away, but her efforts were meaningless. She picked up his hand again. This time the touch was hard and determined but still cold.

            “I wish I knew if you understood me,” she whispered again.

            “Well if you were a little clearer with what is going on then I would be able to help better.”

            “I am so sorry,” she whispered. “I made it all up.”

            “What?!?”

            For a brief second the heart monitor speed skipped a beat. Had he been reacting to her revelation? Still holding his hand she longed for any sign of comprehension or recovery. Dr. Joshua Wilson has been sitting comatose in Saint Mary’s Hospital for two months, because of a car accident and Mercy Taylor has been his attending nurse from day one. But before that, she worked by his side in the Pediatric ward for three years. She moved branches so to help nurse him, doctors were hoping that a familiar voice would be a trigger to get him out of the coma. Obviously, they were mistaken.

            Mercy made it a habit of talking to him whenever she came in to check on him. She started simple, just talking about her day, but somewhere along the way she started spinning tales about a life she wanted and made him the lead. She wanted to feel guilty but it felt so good to imagine what their life could have been like. Her fellow nurses warned her not to get attached, but it was far too late.

            Now they have to consider pulling his life support, and she has to come to terms with her fantasies. He laid still, no sign of the vibrant high life he was used to. It seemed so cruel to think he came to this countryside hospital to get out of the big city fast lane only to get into an accident and live the bed-ridden vegetable life.

            She looked at the stubble growing on his face wondering if she should shave him one last time before they pulled the life support. His wavy brown hair also looked a bit shaggy, so the decision was made.

            Her silence pierced his soul. She dropped that bomb and went radio silent. Joshua couldn’t breathe and rushed to the bathroom. Splashing water on his face hoping it would wake him from this nightmare. He looked to the mirror hoping to talk himself down from this panic attack but there was no reflection. His brain reeled with questions but the main one it seemed to focus on was did he actually know what he looked like?

            “This nightmare has to stop… right?”

            “This nightmare is almost over.” He turned and found his wife.

            “What is happening?”

            “I am just going to give you one last shave and a haircut,” she explained. He looked at the shaving kit and it was the only item in complete focus. She continued, “You are so handsome and that is how I want to remember you.”

            “Where are you going?”

            She didn’t answer him just proceeded to groom him humming their wedding song. He had always preferred her version of “Unforgettable” over the Nat King Cole rendition they danced to at their wedding. He tried to focus on her face but she seemed obscured or fuzzy. Josh tried to focus on features he should have memorized. He tried to remember her eye color but couldn’t decide on brown or blue. Was her nose pointed or button? Where her teeth a little yellowed from the chocolate he showered her with? Better yet did she ever smile at all? He heard her soft whimpering, as she finished the job. She took a deep breath and began talking again.

            “Josh,” she called gently. “They are going to cut life support today.” Alarms sound throughout Josh’s mind. She continued, “You’ve been in a coma for a year. You’ve asked that if anything like this ever happened we only hold you for as long as there is definite hope.”

            Flashes of memories began to play as her words continued, “We’ve never been an item but we were work partners. You told me once that I was your nurse of choice, and so they thought I would take good care of you.”

            Moments of them together with a patient or grabbing a quick lunch played in front of him. Her name still alluded him, and he fought harder to remember. “I talked to you and told you stories hoping you would be coaxed to life. I groomed you and stretched you to keep you healthy. And I fell so hard because of the fantasies… I don’t want to give up on you.”

            Her tears were choking out her words, and Josh fought harder to remember her name. It started with an “M” Mary? Maggie? He knew if he could just call her name everything would be alright. Megan? Michela?

            “I love you, Josh…”

            Marice? Mer… Mer… “MERCY!“

            She stopped midair, lips pursed for a kiss. Did he just groan her name? She sat back and waited. Was her mind playing tricks on her?

            “Mercy,” he mumbled a bit clearer. She immediately buzzed for the doctor and started checking the vitals I had permission to check. The other nurses came quickly. His eyes began to open and he looked so confused. But when he saw Mercy he smiled. He couldn’t say anything but she knew that he recognized her.

            “Welcome back Dr. Wilson,” Mercy smiled, “You were greatly missed.”