Happy and Healthy
Hello Dear Readers! I have thought long and hard about what I want to talk about this week and then I realized that I am late with posting this. Oops sorry my bad. I had major writers block, but today Ryan and I were at youth group and our pastor was talking about what it takes to be in a healthy relationship.
Our youth group has been talking about what it takes to have a healthy relationship. There are four main requirements that I think are important to know:
1. Relationships require investment
Investing usually means putting money into something that could make profit. If you invest in stock, you are hoping the stock grows and you can sell when the stock is high and earn up to twice as much as you put in. Investing sounds like a win but if you are not careful you can invest in the wrong thing and end up losing all your money.
Now think of this in terms of relationships, when you invest in a person you are taking a risk that you will walk away with an amazing friendship, or you will lose trust and get burned. I don’t mean to frighten you Dear Readers, but you must understand that if you do not take your relationships seriously you are risking your feelings and in the end your trust.
When I first met Ryan there was no way I knew that he was the one right away. We met at church, and he was just the new boy, and my main goal was just to make him welcome and invite him to our college Bible study group. The only thing I said to him was, “Hello my name is Chloe.” Then we got interrupted by some of the older gentleman in our church and they took Ryan’s attention. Feeling hurt I walked away thinking that he was not worth investing in because he didn’t seem like he was interested in anything I said. The next week I was about to leave church when Ryan came up behind me and stretched out his hand, “I am sorry we were interrupted last week. My name is Ryan, what did you say yours was?”
From that moment I felt that this kid was different, and I was willing to put a little bit of time and investment in the friendship before I was ready to fully commit to the bigger picture. Let’s just say that I was ready to fully invest in a future with Ryan by the third major event he attended, and lucky for me he asked me out 20 days later.
Yes, Dear Readers, Ryan and I only knew each other 20 days before we fully started dating and, in the end, I would not change it for the world. I was ready to fully invest my heart and soul into our relationship without truly knowing if it would bite me in the butt or not, and so far, I am loving every minute of it and live with no regrets. My pastor said, “If you are not invested in God or people then you are not truly invested in your relationships.” You cannot have something healthy if you are not willing to be vulnerable.
2. Relationships require initiative/desire
How can you say you love something if there is no desire or passion for it? Love is a choice! This may not be a statement we agree on, but it is true. If God did not choose to create the world, He would be all by himself and that would be just fine. Instead, He chose to create us so that he could share His love with us, but without that initiation we would not be here.
In Romans 5:8 it says,
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
We became sinners because we disobeyed God, and instead of disowning us He chose to continue to show His love and send His one and only son, Jesus, down to Earth to die for us so that we have a place in Heaven with God. What more of an initiative can you ask for?
In our relationships we need to be the bigger person and take the initiative rather than sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. If Ryan never picked up the phone and asked me out, I don’t know where we would be. Maybe I would have been tired of waiting for him so I would have moved on, or maybe I would have picked up the phone and ask him out instead.
I think Ryan and I do a great job of sharing the initiative because if he did all the cute things like buying dinner, giving me flowers, leaving little notes in my car, then I think he would feel empty because he is not receiving anything from me. That is not true though! When you truly love something, you are not expecting anything in return, but is it nice when your love is reciprocated? Of course! I make sure to do my best to overflow Ryan’s love tank with words of affirmation and show him that I desire his love by taking the initiative. Without God’s love I believe I would never truly know what it is like to love someone or be loved. I thank God for His unfailing love every day.
3. Relationships require inconvenience
Ha-ha even writing that point I laughed out loud because it is such a funny thing to say, but it is true Dear Readers. Think about it if everything was comfortable always do you think you would be able to grow in your relationship?
Inconvenience is a challenge for everyone because who truly wants to be out of their comfort zone? I love adventure and new things but don’t get me wrong I do hesitate at times when it comes to trying new things because it is hard to walk into something you are uncomfortable with. If God made things easy, then there wouldn’t really be any lesson to learn from in life. Everyone would be dull and mundane and there would be no difference in any of our relationships.
When Ryan and I were in the beginning stages of our dating it was inconvenient when it came to my social schedule at times. I LOVED when he came over all the time just to be with me as we played games, did a puzzle, watch a tv show, etc, but it was hard because there were times when I had other commitments and I was unable to hangout with him and it made me feel bad because I thought I was hurting him by choosing my friends over him.
Dear Readers, if he is making you chose him over something else as an ultimatum (especially so early in your relationship) that is a huge red flag! After I talked with Ryan about how I was feeling he nipped that mentality right in the bud by saying that it is ok if we have other plans because it just means we are living our own lives. After that I have not felt bad about hanging with friends or going to track practice late every day, but I do make sure that I am respecting my husband by not putting myself in situations that would make him question my love. For example, I will not hang out with any other guys alone even if they are good friends and married as well. It is just not a situation I want to put myself in and I never want to give Ryan a reason to doubt my love for him.
One big inconvenience that I think most people struggle with is communication. I thank God everyday that He gave me a man that is not afraid to talk to me no matter what the topic is. Within the first month of dating Ryan and I had some DEEP conversations that started out awkward and inconvenient but when we pushed through that problem it ended up being a conversation that was important.
For example, Ryan and I were chaperoning the youth group winter camp and there were times in those couple days where he was just feeling tired, and I started walking on eggshells around him because I could not tell if he wanted me around or if he wanted me to leave him be. When we left the camp, we were driving in a bad snowstorm, and he had to drive 40mph just to make sure we would not get into a wreck. At this point I was stuck. I felt that he was upset with me and I had no where to go because we were stuck in a car and a 2 hour drive became a 5 hour drive real quick. In that time though no matter how, awkward Ryan brought up the elephant in the truck and decided to face the issue head on. I appreciate Ryan for that because not only did we learn a little bit about each other, but we also grew in our relationship because now we know how to deal with each other when we get in those grumpy irritated moods.
Instead of running away from inconvenience embrace it!
4. The best relationships are formed on God’s terms…not our own
God is the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end! He is the one who initially started to show His love for us so why are we trying to build our relationships without Him? As I said before without His love I do not know if I would truly know what love is or what it feels like. If Ryan was not filled with God’s love, he would not treat me like the Child of God I know I am. Ryan respects me and all my passions because he knows that God is the one who is designing our relationship. I 100% believe that Ryan was made especially for me because our puzzle pieces of life just fit so well together and without God in the center of our love we would not be as strong as we are today.
Luke 10:27 says,
“On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
God literally tells us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength first then to love our neighbor second. I know that Ryan loves me but the minute he puts his love for me over his love for God I have now become and idol and that is NOT what I want in this relationship.
My Grandma once said, “I know you and Ryan are going to do great things because you guys are both looking through the same window. You guys are looking for God in your relationship and because of that you will be blessed.”
It is nice knowing that you are on the same page in life and thanks to Ryan and his love for God I don’t have to worry about my future with him.
Dear Readers, I hope this blog encourages you to pursue relationships in your own life and to make sure you are growing and not staying stagnant. Emily, Scarlett and I are all here to help you if you are ever feeling like you are stuck. Just leave us a little comment and we will reach out to you. Pursue God and use His love to drive you to pursue other relationships. I love you all!
Until then,
Peace Out Lovers!
